Happy Valentine's day friends! . . . I know how you're feeling, if like me, you're single; this can be a day where you feel inclined to drown yourself in a sorrowful pool of heart-shaped candies and load up on other pink sweets - hoping that will numb out the frustration. Whether it be the lack of affection, sex, intimacy, connection, or the feeling of overall lack (which our ego-lead society supports on a day when ROMANCE RULES) there is a definite emptiness feeling that is in constant search for more of something. I have personally known what it feels like, for example, to linger in the refrigerator or pantry looking for snacks in the hopes of numbing the empty feeling. In fact, many of us become experts at knowing that feeling. We can describe every nuance. But that's a different post.
Well, guess what friends! Valentine's day can be celebrated in a better way (without all of the pink impulse-buys at the grocery store): by aligning with love. The trick is in celebrating and finding the good in every moment and focusing only on what you love. I know. I make it sound easy. And the truth is that sometimes it's not so simple. There are often times blocks to love. But if we can remove those blocks and align with love - there can be no feelings of lack at all in our awareness. So that brings me to our question of the day. What the heck is love anyway?
As we grow into childhood, we are told that love is a feeling or emotion. It's mysterious, but we know that special feeling instantly when it wraps us in that perfect warm embrace. When adulthood comes around, we start to get caught up in the byproducts that our ego creates in response to being in-love (an unhealthy attachment to a form that turns into obsession and/or fixation on the form to an extreme end when the obsession results in agony at the temporary or permenent loss of the form): boyfriends who go on long work trips, girlfriends who say they need some "space," dates that end in a perfect goodnight kiss but maybe the person doesn't call soon enough afterwards...not to mention all of the roses, chocolates, candle-lit dinners, and cards that we think shows that we love someone...but truly each item just supports the idea that love should be surrounded by a bunch of stuff (we are conditioned to have around the person we love) because we are a consumer society. Yes, we oftentimes consume many boyfriends, girlfriends, or romantic partners throughout our little lives also, like we're devouring a package of M&Ms. We focus on the forms in life, because it's easy to sense them and become attached to them. We were conditioned for about the first decade of our lives to rely on our 5 senses only and label absolutely everything like crazy, the years of the sponge-brain. The trouble with that is we are not simply machines that use 5 senses to perceive life; we are formless energy at our core. This energy is unique, the perfect energetic field that manifests all life as we know it.
When our energy is vibrating at a high frequency - we feel most alive. We are excited to feel not only our 5 senses, but also the simple act of being in the present moment. That aliveness shines very brightly and we smile, laugh, hug, dance, sing, and joke in a childlike way. Watch a baby laughing and smiling and you'll realize what I mean. That alive energy creates our mind-body response: the feeling of love. The frequency is vibrating so high that you find yourself smiling or laughing and you may not even know why. In that state, you could easily picture every single cell in your body smiling. That's how powerful the energy of love is.
There are probably millions of ways to align with love. Some people already know how to get into this powerful state of being; some, like me, need constant reminders and visuals... I can imagine living as a Sim AND being the mastermind controlling the Sim at the same time. Can you imagine having all of that power and information behind every single choice you make? The ability to pull up a holographic display of all of your goals, needs, and possibilities as they arise - at any moment throughout the day - sounds like absolute heaven to me. It means much more ease in playing the game of life. And if the focus is on each goal as it arises, and not much else, then there would be less focus on negative mind-chatter (distracting from the inherent joy of life in the present moment). Well, we may not have the actual holograph come up in our vision or mind's eye, but we can learn to focus on one thing at a time (being truly in "the now"). And if we are free enough to take the next step, we can make the focus in every moment LOVE.
So no need for a romantic partner at all to experience love and no need for special VALENTINE's DAY store-bought things. If you can train yourself to become consciously aware of the formless energy that is LOVE, in the present moment, and the aliveness of alive forms all around you, a magic arises, which helps build connections to everything. I recommend simply going to sit in a state of "silent witnessing" at the beach to experience the awesome natural wonder of the ocean and earth. It's easier to sense the aliveness of the form if that form is nature-made, rather than man-made. By manipulating nature, to make our little heart-shaped candies, for example, we extract the divinity of love energy within the form. What's left is a slower energy vibration that is closer to fear and definitely less healthful. This explains why we get sick when we eat mostly processed-foods, rather than holistic food sources from nature.
Regardless, today especially, practice the art of self-love. Ignore the mind-chatter that says you aren't good enough because you're not in a romantic relationship. Find something alive/nature-made that you enjoy being close to, whether it's a person, place, plant, or animal. And just BE with that form. And if you aren't single, focus on the love energy exchange you can have with your partner in lieu of attending to the man-made items around you. Practice stillness everywhere you go, because that focused attention on what you love brings true joy.
1) ACCEPT PAIN AS A NATURAL RESPONSE THAT SOMETHING NEEDS ATTENTION!
Yes, I get scared. I feel pain. I am just like you. I sometimes feel like grabbing a Tylenol pill when I feel pain or opening the frig when I feel lost or sad. But those distractions simply deafen the pain for only a few minutes. Then the pain comes right back, because we haven't taken out the root. Give yourself the attention you deserve when you feel out-of-whack. Tapping alone can move mountains. When we clean up the energy within, we can move forward with positive awareness, appreciation for the entirety of Creation as we know it, and the knowledge to make choices that will benefit us.
2) When you feel THAT feeling - JUST TAP!
It's like taking a shower. It should happen often, the dirtier you are. Ultimately, when I practice MY PRACTICE - I am better able to help others in the long run, which is my Life Mission! If you don't serve yourself first, you can't help others. Maybe you're a parent or caregiver to your parent. You know what it's like going throughout your day feeling like crap. It sucks! It's not fun and no one wants to be around that kind of energy. You end up pushing all of the joy away from you without even realizing it. When you tap - you literally create flow, ease, and, before you know it, it's like you're lying on a sandy tropical beach with a cocktail in one hand. You can even use that visual if it helps the relaxation response!
3) DON'T GIVE UP.
When I began using meridian tapping, about 3 years ago on my own, I felt a real shift in my thinking, my presence, and my overall state of wellness. As I dug deeper to find answers to my most painful tribulations in life, I found what I was looking for every time. The source was always to change my energy (to get it flowing naturally the way it was meant to). I tapped when I felt it wasn't going to work, and I felt shifts. I tapped when I knew that I was going to feel better, and I did. I tapped when everything seemed to fall apart around me, and the outcome...not surprising! I FELT BETTER! I gave myself the power to move, create balance, and be apart of life again.
4) EXPRESS YOURSELF!
It's not only a Madonna song, it's real self-care advice. As you may have read already on the About Matthew page, I grew up in and out of depressive episodes. There were very many times in my past when suicide came to my mind. I sought out traditional psychological treatment, but it failed. I was put on medication for depression. That failed, and in fact made matters worse. I spoke to few people about it, because I felt ashamed. As a child, I was sometimes taught not to show (express) negative emotions. Instead, I was told, "Go to your room and cry! I don't want to see that! I'll really give you something to cry about!" Maybe you heard that too? That mini trauma kept me silently suffering through much of my adulthood. It wasn't until recently when I found tapping that I really began to share my feelings freely. Writing down your feelings helps, but for me - talking about them and "venting" in private (while tapping through the points) really works wonders.
5) BE BRAVE.
Yes, I know, "Easier said than done!" But what if they are both easy. What if saying it and doing it is easy? Close your eyes and imagine what it would feel like if you lived without fear, without nervousness. Imagine you're with someone who you really feel like being totally honest and forthcoming with, but you haven't because you're worried about the consequences. In your vivid imagination, happily walk up to that person and have the conversation - while you're smiling from ear to ear. Tell him/her EVERYTHING you wanted to. Then at the end of the conversation, give a nice handshake or hug and walk away feeling like a billion dollars! When I do that exercise, I see myself smiling and talking a LOT! I see myself telling it like it is - in a very nice way. If tried in real life, this helps others know where you stand. It will also help you sleep like a rock every night!